RIPD

Looks like the script for MIB 4 got turned into a different movie.

Only God Forgives- Redband Trailer #2

Jamie Foxx as Electro

I would have almost preferred the green suit and lightning mask.

Maybe it'll translate better on screen.

The Purge

One night a year, there are no laws.

Spring Breakers

Normally I wouldn't post about a movie that's already in theaters, but Spring Breakers deserves all the recognition it receives.  Here's the trailer:

Spring Breakers is a slap in the face and a pat on the back to the brightly-clad, bass-dropping generation who believe life should be about having a good time and not much more.  James Franco delivers a great performance as Alien (pronounced A-Lean), a grill-wearing, corn-rowed rapper/gangster who's in love with guns, money, and big booties, y'all.  He can, in one moment, be a laid-back partier with no concerns, and the next moment become an ominous presence whose motivations seem to be as dark as one can imagine.  And as soon as the viewer assumes that Alien truly is in control of these girls, the tables are turned and Alien must perform fellatio on two silenced-pistols that he hopes won't climax.

Have Seen It, Will See It again.

Only God Forgives- Redband trailer

Honest Movie Trailers- Paranormal Activity

ScreenJunkies

Kick Ass 2

It's been a while since I've posted.  Then again it's been a while since I've seen a movie trailer that doesn't look like shit.

The sequel to one of my favorite R-Rated superhero movies is due out 8/16/13.  For those who haven't seen the original, it's about a 15 year old kid's attempt at becoming the world's first real superhero: Kick Ass (played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson).  Along the way, he befriends the purple-clad Hit-Girl (Chloe Grace Moretz), her father (and near-infringer on the Batman copyright) Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage), and Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse).  Nic Cage surprised me as a caring, but not-all-there, father, and had my favorite gunfight of the movie. (below)

The sequel looks to be just as vulgar and violent as the original.  This time around, the traitorous Red Mist has become The Mother Fucker--apparently an S&M bad guy who can't think of a good name--and is putting together a team of Evil-Doers.

Although Chris Mintz-Plasse is the least intimidating person on the planet, his being a bad guy worked (kind of) in the first one so I'll have to hold my reservations until after I see it.

Just kidding.  He looks like a bitch and I'll be truly disappointed if there isn't some higher-up for the good guys to kill.  At least I can hope that his death will be gory.

Jim Carrey is also in the sequel as Colonel Stars and Stripes, a baseball-bat toting good guy with an inclination for violence and a German Shepherd with a taste for testicles.  I've been getting sick of Carrey for a while now (Yes Man, Mr. Popper's Penguins.  Mr. Popper's Fucking Penguins), but this performance may turn me around.  I'm not sure what kind of accent he's using, but at least it's not one we've all heard a million times.

Overall, I'm a little disappointed in the lack of over-the-top violence in the redband trailer for Kick Ass 2, but it's possible they're saving those scenes for the movie or a later trailer.  If I had seen this trailer without seeing the original, I'd say screw it, but because I know what I'm getting into, I'll have to say I Will See It.

The Hangover pt. 3

The last in The Hangover trilogy, I can only hope that it's as funny as the first, because the second definitely wasn't.  Still, a must-see for many people, if only to see the shit the constantly blacked-out trio get themselves into.

Iron Man 3 Poster

I hate the Vanilla-Coke Iron Man suit, but this is a pretty cool poster.

The Conjuring

Pros:
-The trailer features Time of the Season by The Zombies
-It's from the director of the good half of Insidious
-Vera Farmiglia and Patrick Wilson

Cons:
-"Based on a True Story" appears in the trailer
-It's from the director of the bad half of Insidious
-Has more potential to be boring than good

It's a horror movie, so I'll See It

It's A Disaster

On Demand and Digital release - March 5th
Theatrical release - April 12th

More info can be found at Oscilloscope Labs' twitter account: https://twitter.com/oscopelabs/

The Company You Keep

Produced by Robert Redford.

Music by Cliff Martinez, who did most of the music for Drive.

Damn, look at that cast. 

 The Company You Keep is slated for a limited release on April 5th.

The Wolverine

 

Yes, X-Men Origins: Wolverine was bad.

No, that will not deter me from seeing this.

Disney’s The Lone Ranger

Today's contribution comes from Caitlin Wilson, writer for http://theawkwardlyreversedblog.blogspot.com/
She's guest-blogging today to speak about The Lone Ranger.

           

With the release of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides in 2011, Disney had officially beaten the franchise to death.  Rather than making audiences sit through another installment to, what was once, a proud franchise, the producers have created The Lone Ranger, which is based off the 1950s TV series.

Johnny Depp plays Tonto, who’s character appears similar to Captain Jack Sparrow to me.  Specifically, in Dead Man’s Chest, when he is the cannibal god.

John Reid, or the Lone Ranger, is played by Armie Hammer, who played the Winklevoss twins in the Social Network.  Did anyone else know that they were played by one guy? (Mind blown.)

Helena Bonham Carter also has a major role in the movie as Red. 

Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter in the same movie usually only points to one director.  But the only thing that stops this from being a Tim Burton movie is the fact that he had nothing to do with the movie.  I checked.

I think I will see it, though.

-Caitlin Wilson

   

The Internship

 

June 7th

Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson reunite for the first time since Wedding Crashers in The Internship.  After being fired by their boss (John Goodman.  See:  A Few Good Men) Nick and Billy take an internship at Google in an attempt to salvage their careers.

What follows is sure to be an old-guys-in-a-young-world comedy, with standard jokes being:
-Not knowing how to use technology
-Not understanding pop culture references
-Being called old by the younger generation

While we all know this movie will begin with two middle-agers going nowhere in life, and end with two middle-agers who've used their wit to beat the younger generation, (without the use of modern technology) I'm sure there will be enough humor to help audiences forget the impending cliches that will pervade the film.

Plus, I'm a sucker for a good Prof. Xavier joke.

Although it's impossible to expect the same quality of film and humor from The Internship as Wedding Crashers, Vaughn and Wilson are sure to attract an audience with their first pairing since 2006.

Won't See It 'til DVD

Three Types of Children's Movie Posters

Ripped this straight from the front page of Reddit, but it's appropriate so check it out.

Honest Movie Trailer- The Amazing Spider-Man

Got requests for another honest movie trailer, so here's Screen Junkies honest movie trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man.  

Spiders

It is what it is.  Spiders.

I remember when this movie came out 11 years ago and was called Eight Legged Freaks.  People will always be afraid of spiders, so there's that market.  I would Redbox this if I had a handful of drugs and infinite free time.

Please Make Some Good Movies

Only God Forgives

 

Honest Movie Trailers

I can't think of any movie posters/trailers I want to post, so here's an honest one on The Dark Knight Rises.  All of the problems I had with this movie are summed up in this trailer.  Big spoilers for those who haven't seen it.  If anybody hasn't seen it.

Trailer by ScreenJunkies

Sad My Cocaine

Fast & Furious 6

Here's the Fast & Furious 6 spot shown during the Super Bowl last night

"We're talking vehicular warfare"

Fast & Furious does not have a good story.  It doesn't have good actors.  It doesn't really worry about physics, either.  What it does have is entertainment value, and you can bet your ass I will be seeing this movie.

Iron Man 3

No Mickey Rourke?  I'll see it.

The ABC's of Death

Saw this trailer awhile ago and forgot all about it.  On Demand now.

Lot of horror movie trailers lately.

Update:  Just watched this last night.  Except for maybe 3-4 of the letters, (A-Z) this movie sucked.  Many of the directors wanted to push the envelope, apparently, which led to some of the weirdest and most offensive short films I've ever seen.  Watch this movie if you want to be shocked, not if you want to see something good.  

The Last Exorcism (Part II)

I guess the first movie title was a lie.  I have to admit, even though it's pretty easy to guess which movies will get sequels, I didn't see this one coming.  The follow-up to The Last Exorcism, which featured one of 2010's best film-character-names, Cotton Marcus, looks to have ditched the "documentary" style of the first film and gone with a more traditional style of filmmaking.  This is good, because now I don't have to listen to people tell me it's real.  Yes, people believed the first one was "found footage."  On a side note, I saw Paranormal Activity in theaters and at the end people were crying.  This is the world we live in.

First of all, Hollywood needs to realize that just because they add the sound effects of bones crunching and cracking, it doesn't mean the audience believes they actually are.  Generally, I would suspend my disbelief, but not for a nice stretch in bed before you get up in the morning.

Little kids do this shit all the time

Also, the demon's name.  Abalam? I understand that demons don't have names like Mike or Dave, but I really find nothing menacing in the name Abalam.  In fact, once I learned the demon's name, I was even less interested in seeing this movie than I was originally.  There is no need to name the demon that is plaguing your main character, just refer to it as "the demon."

Here's three demon-related movies and their demons' shitty names.

Movie                               Demon Name
Drag Me to Hell               Lamia
Sinister                            Bagul
The Exorcist                    Pazuzu

Look how ridiculous those names are.  If I was being possessed by a demon and he told me his name was Pazuzu, I'd kick him right the fuck out of my body.  The only demons I'm afraid of are bald and starred in The Phantom.

Fuck, he brought up The Phantom

Horror movies are different from every other genre of movie.  They need to elicit fear from the viewer in order to be considered successful.  The thing is there are so many terrible horror movies that a good one really is a diamond in the rough.  Overall, TLE pt. 2 isn't the worst horror movie trailer I've seen, but it doesn't look that great, either.  Horror movies are generally about two things for me, which are usually (but not always) separate.

1)  Scare Factor- Is it legitimately creepy/scary?  Do the death scenes look relatively realistic? 

2)  Humor Factor- Is it so cheesy and terrible that it's entertaining?  Is it self-parodying?

If a horror movie lacks either of those two requirements, it's a bust for me.  Thankfully, there looks to be enough creepiness in The Last Exorcism pt. 2 that it may not be a complete waste of time.

Overall, I'd like to say I Won't See It, but I know this shit's getting Redbox'd on some boring Tuesday night.  

Bonus Zane

The Place Beyond the Pines

Will See It

Carrie

Actors: Chloe Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore

Director: Kimberly Peirce

The second remake I've posted in two days.  I'm going to need to see a full-length trailer before I figure out whether or not I want to see this movie, but the teaser looks intriguing.  Either way, with the inclusion of Movie 43, viewers will be able to see Chloe Moretz get her period twice this year.  

Evil Dead

So this trailer's been out for a while now, but this is my blog and I don't care how late I am on a subject.  First of all, when news broke about there being an Evil Dead remake, I was pessimistic to say the least.  I'd rather cut my hand off than see a shitty Evil Dead.  The series has such a large following that I would have to assume no one else was happy about this, either.

Turns out Bruce Campbell is happy about it.  And Sam Raimi.  And Robert G. Tapert.
                   ^ Actor                                                   ^ Director             ^ Producer

The movie has the Big Three's blessing, (as well as a producer credit for each) so one would assume that most people would try to have a little faith.  Fuck that.  This film is guilty until proven innocent. (Like most other movies I write about)  Will there be gratuitous amounts of blood?  Will I squirm in my seat?  Will there be tree-rape?

Tree-rape?

Well, the trailer's got all the bases covered.  For those who haven't seen it already, enjoy.

This movie looks like more than I could hope for.  Four or five times in the trailer I felt slightly uneasy, so hopefully I will be so disturbed from the things they aren't showing that I either puke or pass out in the theater.  Which, by the way, is where I'll be watching.  No waiting for DVD, I'm seeing this on the big screen.

Will See It

21 and Over

Jeff Chang

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

You've all seen the trailer for this movie.  It's everywhere.  I would like to believe that none of you will actually go see the movie, but that's a little optimistic.  I am just posting this red band trailer to show how soft of an "R" rating this movie is getting.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters - Red Band Trailer

There are barely any differences between the red band and the original trailer.  Just a scene where a witch gets cut into bloody chunks and one "fuck" out of Renner.  Unless they're only showing the shitty parts in both of these trailers, there isn't much convincing me to see it.  Two of the movie's producers are Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, so I want to believe that it's supposed to be a comedy, but the lack of anything funny in the trailer leads me to believe otherwise.  I think that everyone involved went into it thinking they were going to do something funny or original, but this happened instead.

Sorry, Hawkeye, but I don't think I'm going to be seeing this one.

The Last Stand

The Last Stand comes out tomorrow, Jan. 18th.  This is a great poster (a throwback to 80's action films) for what will probably be an okay movie.

The Last Stand - Poster

I will upload the images directly when it takes less than 20 minutes to do so.

Part I'm most excited for:  Seeing a car Boardslide the side of a highway overpass.

About Won't See It

Won't See It is a blog created by myself, Kyle Holland, where I like to talk shit on various movie trailers and sometimes talk about ones I'm interested in seeing.  My posts are of opinion and not to be taken too seriously.  Everyone has some shitty movie they love but everyone else hates.

Parker

IMDB describes Parker as "a thief with a unique code of professional ethics is double-crossed by his crew and left for dead."  Sounds like a completely original film that I'm sure millions of people will see.  Sadly, half of that sentence is probably true.

Parker is coming to theaters in about a week or so, which means, as of right now, it's finished.  That, in turn, means director Taylor Hackford has sat down and watched it from beginning to end without killing himself or burning the film.  There's a reason Hackford is president of the Director's Guild of America, and I'm sure this film will showcase his talent.

Non-sarcastically, I am sure Hackford has talent, but I haven't seen any of his movies (except for parts of Ray) so I will judge him until I am no longer ignorant.

Anyway, here's the trailer:

Trailer - Parker

So... this movie looks like a piece of trash.  No one has ever said, "You know who I need for my three big leads?  Statham, Lopez, and Chiklis.  Get me a phone."  Well, maybe the director of Fantastic Four, but he lost out on Statham and Lopez and got stuck with Chris Evans and Jessica Alba.  While I'm on the subject, can we start a petition to get Chiklis into his Thing makeup for every role he has in the future?

The first 35 seconds of this trailer look great.  And then you realize it's not a comedy.  This looks like any other Jason Statham movie where he gets double-crossed and then gets revenge.  (The Transporter, The Italian Job, Crank) I'm guessing the plot goes something along these lines:

The Plot
Jason Statham wears a wig and dresses like a priest.  Everyone smiles.
Jason Statham takes off wig.  Everyone frowns.
Jason Statham is betrayed by Chiklis.  He may (but probably doesn't) say "It's Clobberin' Time."
Jason Statham meets J-Lo.
They sex.
Jason Statham kills Chiklis.
J-Lo and J-Stay sex again.
He then decides that he will...
     A) Stay with her and love her.
     B) Leave her because his lifestyle is too dangerous.

Either way, I'll never know the ending to this film because I...

Won't See It.